How Deadpool Should Have Ended
Coming Soon TBA Transcript Open with the counting bullets scene Deadpool: Mi gusta cinco. (gets shot in the butt) Four. (shoots the guy) Right up main street. Three! Two! STUPID! Worth it. (takes cover) Dying guy: Deadpool, why are you counting bullets? Why don't you pick up one of our many weapons? Deadpool: Oh, that's simple. Because this makes me look like one bad mother-. (gets whacked by Cap's mighty shield) Cap: Language! (defeats the other henchmen) Deadpool: What?! Cap: I took care of it. And language! Deadpool: Get out of my movie, you-! (gets whacked by Cap's shield again) Captain America: LANGUAGE!!! Cue title. Deadpool and Vanessa, who is trapped in that contraption thing, hang over the edge of the helicarrier that Marvel would probably sue Fox for after this. Deadpool: Don't worry! I'm totally on top of this! Colossus leaves, carrying Negasonic Teenage Warhead and Angel Dust. Deadpool: (throwing the contraption) Maximum! Effort! He throws the contraption thing... which hits the ground via the side Vanessa was on. Cut to later in The Super Cafe. Deadpool: And that's when the love of my life died! No thanks to you, Teen Titans! Negasonic Teenage Warhead: (while tweeting) Hey, I didn't MAKE you toss her off a 300 foot drop. Deadpool: It was my maximum effort. And what are you, Michael Bay? Nobody asked you to make a cliche explosion in the middle of MY Boss Battle. Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Colossus needed my help. Deadpool: So yeah, now I'm alone. The only girl of my dreams gone forever. Thanks to The X-Men. Superman: Hmmm, now you know how Firefly fans feel. Deadpool: Too soon, Superman. Batman: So what happened to Ajax? Deadpool: You mean Francis? He died under all that rubble. Superman: Are you sure? Deadpool: Well, he better have! If not, I'm gonna find him, shoot him in the head, and then use the hole for-. Superman: Stop! Batman: This is making me uncomfortable. Deadpool: Why, because you're PG-13? Or were you gonna say "Batman"? Batman: No... I would say "Because I'm Batman". Superman: Are we PG-13? I always thought we were a Hard PG. Batman: The Blu-Ray might be rated R. Superman: That is a terrible idea. Deadpool: Uh excuse me, copycats. We were talking about my dead girlfriend. Colossus: Wade, please. You did not love this woman. Deadpool: Oh really? Well, what do you know about it, Mr. Metal Sack? Colossus: I think you only enjoyed her for... sexy times. Deadpool: What?! That is not true. Vanessa and I also made amazing sci-fi references together. I love that girl. There was a montage and everything. I didn't call her because... I'm ugly now. Negasonic Teenage Warhead: That's too bad. Beast probably would've helped you out if you had called us first. Deadpool: I am going to kill you, little girl! He shots at her but Superman deflects the bullet. Colossus: That's not nice. Deadpool: You think the studio could afford Beast?! Batman: You can't just murder your enemies, Wade. Killing is wrong. Deadpool: Whaaaaaaat? Why? Superman does it. Superman: I do not just murder my enemies. Deadpool: You're right. Not EVERYONE in that destroyed city was your enemy. Colossus: Oh dear. Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Shots fired. Batman: See? Deadpool gets it. Superman: Are we really gonna do this AGAIN? Batman: You're a monster. Superman: Oh my gosh. I SAVED THE EARTH, BRUCE! Saved it! Batman: You've gotta be stopped. Silence. Deadpool: I feel like you guys need to be alone. (crawling over Batman) Excuse me. Don't get up. Wouldn't have to animate you in different position for a change. Batman: Get off me. Colossus: Where are you going? Deadpool: I'm gonna go find a place with a little more trouble. (leaves) Good lord, look at those cars! What is this, 2007?! Cut to The Villain Pub. Ajax: And then he stabbed me in the leg, and I still didn't bleed out. Voldemort: And you don't have any healing powers? Ajax: Nope. Joker: Wow. Deadpool: (coming in the door) Hello, Francis! Ajax: Wade Wils-. (gets shot in the head and decapitated) Deadpool: NOW *BLEEP*IN' DIE ALREADY! *BLEEP*. (to us) Bleeps, really? Here? Eh, *BLEEP*. (sits down) Finally. Revenge stories. Am I right, guys? Hey, can I get some chimi-changas? Palpatine: Oh, I'm afraid you aren't welcome here, Van Wilder! Voldemort: Yes. Anti-hero. Deadpool: What?! How many times do I have to say this? I am not a *BLEEP*ing hero. Voldemort: You aren't evil. Deadpool: I made everyone hate Green Lantern. That's kind of evil. Palpatine: There is still good in you, so leave us. Deadpool: Ugh, fine. (leaves... then comes back with Deadpool from X Men Origins: Wolverine) But I'm leaving The Old Deadpool with you guys. Everyone: (groans in disgustment) Palpatine: NOBODY LIKES THAT DEADPOOL! The End. Cue YouTube outro. Barakapool plays the saxophone on a unicorn. Male Voice: Aw yeah, thank you for watchin'. We hope you enjoyed our video. We got some other silky smooth videos for you to enjoy. 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